Mental health and what that means for me as a business owner and mum
When we say Mental health what comes to your mind? Someone who is struggling? Someone who has broken? Someone who is near the edge? Someone not feeling all together? Someone feeling not themselves? Or having a bad day? There is no right or wrong answer. Its all of these things. EVERYONE has mental health, it is your state of wellbeing in your mind. Not everyone recognizes their mental health and that’s ok BUT when your mental health is challenged this is when you start to recognize it.
I don’t think I’ve ever believed in myself, never felt good enough, never felt clever enough or strong enough.
A few months ago this started to come to ahead, I felt like I was starting to crumble, piece by piece a part of me was going, the light was going out. I didn’t have that energy, or motivation to do anything. My self worth was low, I didn’t know who I was anymore. How could I find myself again?
I started to see a counsellor. I was expecting to walk out of each session skipping, with joy in my heart. Instead I walked out feeling worse than when I went in. I cried the whole session, things just poured out. This poor woman was experiencing my whole life trauma in 45 painful minutes! Week 2, I thought why am I putting myself (and her through this). After week 3 I was ready to give up, but she said something “you cant pour from an empty cup.” What the hell did this mean? No I know you cant pour from an empty cup that’s just crazy! But it stuck with me, NO I cant pour from an empty cup, so how could I try to be a Mum, a wife, a business woman and give everyone else what they needed if my cup wasn’t full.
I went to a business Mums workshop with a speaker, she had a piece of paper with a stick woman on, we had to write about who we were, the catch we couldn’t write we were a Mum. Who was I? Where did I fit in? I didn’t have a clue, we went round the room and discussed our energy level from 1-10, I was a 0! And I said it, my energy was 0. I felt 0. My mood was 0. The other women around the room had similar problems, kids, work life balance, daily struggles. I wasn’t alone. Other people felt the same. Other people had the same problems. I cried a lot that session and others did too. We felt the same. We had a lovely lunch and again that bloody cup was there again. The speaker had a cup with a saucer, the cup was me, the saucer was my family, my kids, people around me. How could I overflow into them, when there wasn’t enough to fill my own cup. We hugged and the mums were so supportive. One even said she was not expecting me to say 0, I walked into that room and gave her advice on how she should have some time for her. She had no idea what was going on inside me.
I knew something had to change. But when you’re in your own mindset and life with 5 other people around you to change too its hard work.
I was booked onto a business retreat back in Feb via Leona at MIB, but due to Covid it was re arranged to the end of April, a week after the mums workshop. I was ready to knuckle down and fan the flame of my passion for my business. It is one of my biggest pressures on a daily basis, not only filling my staff their cup, but customers, clients, suppliers, landlords, everyone wants something from MY cup. When there is nothing in my own cup how can I fill their cup?
Was I looking forward to the retreat? NO. No I wasn’t. 15 other women with their shit together, their businesses flourishing and thriving. Sharing a room with strangers, and a house and hot tub with people I didn’t know? The thought of it was sending me into overdrive. We had a group chat, did I chat NO. No I didn’t. The day came, I thought I need to embrace it. I walked in head held high, not caring what anyone thought, I was there to learn, not make friends, get out of there as quick as I possibly could. Actually what happened was VERY different. The experience came out of no where, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I sat with Lisa, her Welsh accent and little self. She talked about herself, her struggles, her business and her outlook on life. It was very different to my own. I spoke to Amy, knocked down before, but wow she had so much to give. Each of these women had a story, they didn’t have their shit together through parts of their own lives but they were there to share their story and experiences. Leona, ran the retreat, so many good things happened to her, she travels the world, she has a beautiful family. But my gosh, listening to the story of how she got there WOW. Once again I was surrounded by these women who inspired me, who I listened to, I learnt from, and mostly became friends with. I learned about self care, self love, affirmations and gratitude. I learned about setting goals, and actually you CAN’T pour from an empty cup.
Lisa taught me so much this week. That its ok to not be ok. Its good to dance, and move, and BE and howl at the moon. She taught me that life isn’t a straight line, it not always about the bad days, its about how we deal with them and what we learn from them most of all.
The universe is there to send us challenges and barriers, to change our direction to become better people. Our mind is a powerful thing.
Do I have my shit together? NO. Will I ever? Maybe not, but I've learned that that is ok, and how I deal with it is what matters.
Pregnancy and family life add so many extra stresses. Hormones are raging, your body is changing in so many ways, and some things are happening you can’t explain. There is ALWAYS someone you can talk to, your midwife, a friend, your GP, Lisa @ Spiritual Sisters Collective or you can always contact me too.
I’ve learned so many new ways of self care, even sometimes a 10 minute hot bath to myself helps. I’ve started to burn incense sticks and they smell amazing, strong but they are so calming and they take me back to my happy place too (Disney). I have some affirmation cards, where each day a new card has some positive words on. One of my main things is cutting negativity out of my life and surrounding myself with positive people. My Facebook scroll is full of amazing women doing amazing things, bigging each other up, congratulating and celebrating achievements together, no matter how big or small. Sometimes getting out of bed is a HUGE hurdle, but we do it every day not thinking how AMAZING it is.
Funnily enough my card today is “I give myself permission to take personal time” what could be more fitting for mental health week?
If you want more info about Lisa and how she can help you have a look at her website:
Don't forget there is always someone to listen
Lots of Love